I now lie to strangers when they ask me (and my alarmingly enormous midsection): “Do you know what you’re having?” I say: “Nope.”
(I do know, though. It’s boy #3.)
The top five reasons to lie–especially when Boy #1 and Boy #2 are with me…and listening:
5. “Another boy? Well, you can just keep trying!”
4. “Oh, no–you are going to need plenty of patience!”
3. “I hope it’s a little girl in there!”
2. “Don’t lose hope! My [insert family member or friend] had 3 boys before finally getting a girl!”
1. (And my favorite–from just last week…) “Oh, God is playing an evil little trick on you!”
But to the lady at the plant store yesterday: I forgot to lie to you when you asked, but you said: “Oh, that’s wonderful, because you make such adorable boys.” Thanks.
***
I hope that Kris will not mind if I add these excerpts from Garden Varieties. Often, when I get frustrated with all the boy/girl/expectations stuff–especially when a poor baby hasn’t even been born yet, I think of these two so perfectly-put ideas from her blog:
From her post called Three:
[I could substitute "boy" for "girl" in the following...or keep "girl"...either way...it's just so right on.]
I’ve never understood why people want a girl. You don’t get a girl, you get someone so unique, so unexpected, so utterly and completely themselves, there’s not much connection to whatever it is we think a girl will be.
I wanted a child and I got a Lu, and she is exactly the right Lu for me.
And, also, from her post called “Forces of Nature,” which I love:
As Lu and Nell grow older cultural expectations will become more pressing, throwing acceptable differences between boys and girls into sharp and disappointing relief, but I love that at the moment they are simply themselves with no thought of what they ’should’ be.
Thank you, Kris. These posts have always stuck in my mind…
Oh this one resonates! Fourth pregnancy (boy number four!) my older boys were offended at the idea that one would wish for a girl. Of course, now, people go “Oh, four boys! Poor you!” which is still somehow offensive. And generally? I am all for the gratuitous sympathy. The woman at the plant store definitely gets a gold star.
Please, people say things to ME about your 3rd boy like the things in your list…ummmm mmmkay. And I say much like the woman at the store, “oh, she has the greatest boys, he’ll fit right in!”
What a wonderful reason to post!
Thinking of you and that boy in your “bell!”
Love
Oh, yes, Mara–a suggestion of sympathy for having the children that I do absolutely burns me up. It’s so insulting–particularly because it insults them, and I really can’t tolerate that in this situation.
Havalah–Thanks for sticking up for us.
It makes me very sad that anyone would consider any of these guys failed attempts at a different kind of child… Although, I do recognize that people are just kind of making small talk a lot of the time and not really thinking about what they’re saying–that is the reason I usually choke back whatever biting retort I come up with…
So happy to see you back, and so pleased those words resonate. I sound half-sensible, sometimes, it seems.
I was and remain happy for you that you are having another child, because that’s the exciting bit – seeing who this person will become. I find the idea we can presume to know how a child will turn out on the basis of their sex a very distressing one – what happens when they’re not who you think they should be?
Those people who feel they need to comment upon your children ~ in front of your children, no less! ~ baffle me.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I also started to hem and haw about if it was a boy or a girl. I was DONE with comments such as, “OH! You must be SO GLAD to be having a daughter! Every woman wants a little girl!”
I wanted to respond, “Hello! My sweet little boy is right here, and I would have been thrilled to have another son!!!”
Actually, I did respond that way. It became easier and less confrontational to just smile and pretend I didn’t hear the question.
Congratulations. I am thrilled for you.
Nice site.
P.S. You spelt your name incorrectly on your bio page. Just an FYI
: ) I have 3 boys…and a 1 girl. My daughter was a nice end to a long road. I wasn’t allowed to be in public when I was pregnant due to their wanting to come 3 months early. I got to bypass all the boy/girl crap.
I do have to say that there are some differences between the boys and my daughter. For instance, she wears dresses while she beats the tar out of the cat. She will smile at you while she’s doing something she’s not supposed to do. ; )
Other then the y chromosome difference they are a lot alike . I’m so glad to have 3 boys. I had one brother who was 3 years younger then me. My experience has been limited. I’m learning so much from these boys.
They are beautiful gifts whether they are boys or girls. Yes some boys are very active. Yes some girls are whiney. that doesn’t mean you are any less blessed for having them. You are 3xs blessed with lovely boys.
It would be nice if people just said congratulations and left the crap behind.